Relationships

At church yesterday, we talked about the importance of relationships.  In our adult education class, we talked about how the church is all about relationships.  And in service, the sermon was about the building of the temple and the importance of the church as a group of people, not as a building.  Both of those discussions rang so true to me.  My church (Orchard Park Presbyterian) has been going through a time of transition.  We have an interim minister that many people have had problems with whose contract was just renewed through February.  We have three services that have lower attendance than I've seen in years.  We have some problems like any other church.

And the thing is, I've grown up in this church.  Besides my family, it has been the major constant in my life.  We started going to Orchard Park when we moved to Indiana and have been going there ever since.  I cannot explain all of the ways that this church has affected me.

It is at this church that I explored and questioned and strengthened my faith.  

It is at this church that I formed friendships that have lasted more than any other friendships I have had. These are the friends that I know I will always be there for me.

It is at this church that I was "adopted" by Al and Anne Porteous who knew that we had no family in the area and took it upon themselves to fulfill that role for us.  

It is as this church that I was introduced to the camp where my family has spent so much time together and my sister chose to get married.  

It is at this church that I learned the meaning and value of mission work.  

It is at this church that I was told that my mother made it through her heart surgery (and for that I will be forever grateful to Jim Noble.)

I know that the church has some problems, but I have a hard time looking past them sometimes and I think other people in the church do too.  It seems as though most of our problems would disappear if we could just remember what was said today, that the church is about relationships.  Relationships with God and relationships with people.  

And so, because I am frustrated and disappointed and don't know what else to do about everything that is happening at church, I'm going to do just that.  I'm going to focus on my relationship with God and my relationships with people.  I'm going to pray about the problems.  I'm going to pray for the people.  Instead of complaining or criticizing, I'm going to pray and remember that God has a plan for our church, even if we don't understand it right now.

Update on My Aunt Carol

Tonight my mom made the decision to take my Aunt Carol off of life support.  She took her off life support around six tonight and Carol died a few hours later.  I know that it's the right decision because there's no way that she could have recovered.  After my mom made the decision, the nurse who had spent some time caring for Carol came up to my mom and said, "We're not supposed to say anything, but you made the right decision."  I am so grateful for her saying that because my mom is in Georgia having to deal with all of this and I'm sure it helped my mom to hear that she had made the right decision.

My Aunt Carol

For as long as I can remember, we've had a strange relationship with my Aunt Carol.  I didn't know much about her growing up other than she was a drug addict, lived in New York, and because of that we weren't supposed to be allowed to go to New York.

She has always been a mystery to me because I don't get to see her much.  I remember we watched her dog, Sadie, for a while when we lived in Michigan.  She was a big black lab and was the first dog we ever had in our house.  She also managed to eat all of the Halloween candy that my brother and I had collected that year.

I remember she came to visit my family after we moved to Indiana much and that's the most time I ever remember her spending with us.  She is an amazing artist and while she was talking to my mom one night, sat with my Alice in Wonderland book and drew some of the pictures just as well, if not better, than they were in the book.

And I remember the last time I saw her, which was at my grandpa's funeral, which was over ten years ago.  I don't remember much of what we said to each other, but I know that we talked about what an amazing person my grandpa was, which is kind of ironic because my aunt's drug addiction was part of what ruined my grandparent's relationship at the end of their lives.  She didn't come to my grandma's funeral because by the time we actually got in contact with her to tell her about my grandma, the funeral had already taken place.

I guess I've never really known what to think about my Aunt Carol.  Obviously I've thought of her as a cautionary tale to show what drugs can do to your life and the people around you, which I bring up to my students from time to time.  But I've also thought of her as my mom's little sister who simply had a really messed up life.  She never finished college.  She went to the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York for a little while and I really thought she had finally pulled her life together, but she ended up dropping out.  She called the house the day I graduated high school and I got to talk to her for a little while.  She called the house (my parent's house) a few weeks before my wedding and I got to talk to her about my wedding for a little while.

But mostly, I think about my mom's relationship with her and how strange it must be to grow up with a little sister who then becomes someone whose life you can't even begin to imagine.   I know that she's been homeless.  She's slept outside on the streets of New York City.  She's "borrowed" money from my grandparents, my parents, and my aunts and uncles.  (From my grandparents, she "borrowed" enough that it ended up destroying their relationship.  My grandma refused to stop giving my aunt money even when my grandpa told her not to.  My grandma took out credit cards, ran up thousands of dollars in debt, and went so far as remortgaging the house they had already paid off behind my grandpa's back.)

I know that my mom wants desperately to do anything she can for Carol, but also understands the limits she has to place on her help because of what happened to my grandparents and because my mom wants, above all, to keep her marriage and her family safe.  I know that my mom's heart breaks whenever she talks to Carol.  And I know that my mom will always fiercely love Carol because she's her sister and because my mom knows that she's the only one in the family who hasn't given up on Carol, who talks to her and maintains a relationship with her because my mom realizes, no matter what, the importance of family.

For the past few years, my Aunt Carol has been living in Macon, Georgia with her boyfriend and her dog.  She tells us that she's clean and not using drugs, though you can never really know if what she says is true.  And she's been attending church every week.  She has a supportive church group there and seems to have finally gotten her life together, at least somewhat.  She has Hepatitis from her drug addition and in the past year she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer.

Last night, I got a call from my mom.  She got a call from Carol's boyfriend saying that Carol was in the ICU.  It seems some sort of bug bit her and the bite got infected.  Then the infection got into her bloodstream.  My mom got to talk to Carol for a few minutes, but my mom said that Carol was in a lot of pain.  She seems to be doing better today, but my mom decided that it would be a good idea to drive down and see her, so she's on her way to Georgia.  Prayers for my aunt and my mom would definitely be appreciated!

Prompt 4

Wonder.  How did you cultivate a sense of wonder this year?

The way that I've kept wonder in my life is by thinking about God's timing.  With all of the challenging things that happened this year, there have been definite times when I was able to see what God was doing - or if not to at least trust that He knows what He's doing.

The main example of this?  My grandma moved from her condo into a retirement community this year.  I had helped with the move, but had not gone to see her on my own until the last day of school.  We had decided that I would come over and we would spend the afternoon together and have dinner together.

I spent the afternoon with her - teaching her how to use her DVD player so she could watch The King's Speech later that night and even having a conversation with Andrew on speakerphone -  and then we went out to dinner together.  We talked about her life growing up, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet which we'd both read, and a whole bunch of other things.  Then I took her home, gave her a hug, and told her I loved her.  She passed away the next day.

The sense of wonder in that comes from the fact that God had to know what he was doing in terms of timing.  Obviously I'm sad that my grandma is no longer with us, but I'm so amazingly grateful that I got to spend her last full day with her.

A mother's love (a little late for mother's day)

I've been watching Oprah as she remembers some of the most meaningful guests she's had on her show.  One story that really resonated with me was that of Erin Kramp.  Oprah's website explains the story:

Erin knew she was dying, and after realizing that her 6-year-old daughter, Peyton, would have to grow up without her, she began recording hours and hours of motherly advice. The videotapes covered everything from how to choose makeup ("Try to find makeup that looks natural, like you're not wearing any") to how to choose a husband ("Pick a very nice guy who has a backbone"). In the midst of grueling treatments, Erin also found the strength to write letters and prepare gifts for Peyton to open every Christmas and birthday after she was gone.

When my mother went through each of her three major surgeries in my life (two open heart surgeries and a hysterectomy), I know that she wrote letters to each of us children to make sure that we knew she loved us if something happened.  I thank God that she is still with us and that we have her here to tell us that instead of having to read it in a letter.  I think that's why I identify with this story so strongly.

When Erin's husband and daughter were on Oprah earlier this week, her husband said that the lesson his life taught him was to "have a sense of urgency about your life.  Live each minute to the fullest.  You don't know how much time you have."

Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas as I hope everyone else did!

On Christmas Eve we went to church for the four thirty service where I sang and Andrew ran the powerpoint.  Then it was off to friend's house for a party that's been going on since I was in the fourth grade.  It's a wonderful tradition with family and friends that I love going to every year.  Then it was off to the eleven o'clock candlelight service at church where I got to sit with my parents for the first time ever, since they're usually singing in the choir.  Andrew and I finished up the night by coming home and putting on our Christmas pajamas, one of his family traditions that we carry on.  I got these snazzy pajama pants this year!  (Those are polar bears on them if you can't tell.)

On Christmas morning we woke up and went over to my parent's house where we had the fullest house for Christmas morning we've ever had.  It was:

• my grandma
• my aunt
• my mom and dad
• me and Andrew
• my brother, his girlfriend, and her brother
• my sister, her fiance, and his brother

We opened presents and I was so excited to see that everyone loved the presents we got them.  My presents included purple candlesticks, a purse made of saris, the movie Inception (I'm so excited to watch the extras),  and my favorite gift - tickets from Andrew to see Wicked!!!  We had tickets to see it last week, but we both ended up sick and weren't able to go, so I'm so excited to be able to see it and not have to be sad every time I hear about Wicked!

After we opened presents, Andrew and I went back to our house to meet his family, his dad, stepmom, and sister, who were driving down to spend the weekend with us.  They hadn't ever been to our house so we spent some time there with them showing them the house and Schmoo!

Then we went back over to my parent's house for Christmas dinner and games.  The day went really well.  Andrew's family and my family get along really well, which is absolutely wonderful.

We were able to spend some more time with them over the weekend.  We went out to brunch at Cafe Patachou and then saw the movie Tangled, which was absolutely wonderful.  (It's been a while since I've seen a Disney movie that's been that good!  If you're thinking about seeing it, you totally should!!!)  Then we went back over to my parent's house to watch the Colt's game with everyone.  We got to spend some more time last night talking and playing games back at our house with Andrew's family.  We even managed to light our first ever fire in our fireplace last night.

Overall, I think the Christmas was relaxing and wonderful.  It was so nice to be around all of our family, especially because they were (mostly) all in one spot!

Prompt 9: Party

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.


We had a housewarming party last weekend, which was the first big party that we've thrown at our house.  We got the entire house clean and decorated for Christmas, made a bunch of food, invited some of our favorite people, and enjoyed the fun!


I am not usually one to throw parties because I get worried about everything that could go wrong.  (Will people come?  Will they have fun?  Will we have enough food?)  But Andrew is really good at organizing parties and encouraging me to invite people over.  So we did and it worked out wonderfully.  We're even thinking of making it an annual event to host a Christmas party on the first weekend in December so mark your calendars for next year!!!


We had all kinds of food and drinks.  We also had all kinds of people.  We had a lot of friends from church over as well as a lot of Andrews work friends, with some others thrown in as well.  People got to see our house and meet our puppy, Schmoo.  We also got to see Schmoo see little kids for the first time, which was really entertaining.  People really seemed to enjoy themselves.  I know I did!

Prompt 8: Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up.  Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

Picture from here

Traditions:  I LOVE traditions.   I love that the traditions we have allow me to have something to look forward to all year.  If I had it my way, we would do the exact same thing every year for Christmas.  I love watching the same movies, baking the same cookies, putting up the same decorations, and listening to the same Christmas music.  This made it really hard for me to think about spending Christmas away from my family this year (Andrew and I decided we would alternate spending Thanksgiving or Christmas with our families each year).  I know that spending Christmas in Michigan will turn out fine when we do it, but this year it worked out that his family can come to Indiana for Christmas, which means we get to spend Christmas with BOTH of our families.  I couldn't be happier!!!

Compassion:  This is one of my greatest strengths as well as one of my greatest weaknesses.  I am deeply sensitive about things that are going on with others, especially with my students, which means that sometimes it's hard for me to let things go.  I tend to bring their problems home from school with me.   I actually considered this when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  I was torn between teaching and youth ministry, but I figured that I needed the separation that teaching provided.  I'm so glad that I chose teaching because it's really allowed me to work with some kids that I wouldn't have worked with as a youth minister.  I also think I'm much better at teaching than I ever would have been at youth ministry.

When I asked Andrew to help me come up with a list of things that for this prompt, he came up with some things that I hadn't even thought of.  He came up with:

Picture from here

Easily excitable:  I'm always excited to tell him about things or to share things with him.  I get really excited about little things, which makes it really easy for Andrew to make me happy.  For example, last week he told me that a package would be coming in the mail that was for both of us.  When the package got here this week, I found out that he'd remembered that we wanted to try a specific kind of panettone that Giada De Laurentiis had mentioned.  I have been so excited every time I get to eat a piece of it this week.


Tells good stories:  I don't even know what to say about this one.  I'm happy that he thinks I tell good stories because I tell a lot of them!


Thoughtfulness:  I spend a lot of time thinking about others.  I love spending time with them (even though I already told you that I have problems being social from time to time!)  I also love giving people meaningful gifts.  The fact that this is different from others has become increasingly obvious over the past few years as I'm shopping for birthday presents and Christmas presents.  I shop during the entire year, picking up things that I think people would like as I see them.  Andrew shops on Christmas Eve!  I buy gifts that I think people would enjoy.  Andrew buys gifts from the lists that people give him.  I never realized that our shopping styles were so different!


Strength:  His specific words were "You're stronger than you think you are.  Everyone knows it, just not you."  One of the times I love my family the most is when we have to deal with a crisis because we all come together.  We know what's important and what's not.  We know that we need to support each other and love each other.  I think a lot of the strength I have has come from the crises that my family and I have faced and gotten through together.

All Saints' Day

I have always loved the idea of the "cloud of witnesses" that have come before us as Christians.  It comes from Hebrews 12:1, which reads "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  I love the idea of being surrounded by the people that we have loved and lost.  It makes me feel that they have not just gone before me, but that they are always with me.  I think I first became aware of the phrase "cloud of witnesses" when I heard the Mark Schultz song with the same name, so I always think of it when I hear the phrase.

So on All Saints' Day, I remember all of the witnesses that are surrounding me with their love even though they are no longer with me.

Favorite song

My favorite song has to be "The Rainbow Connection" sung by Kermit the Frog.

I have a long history with this song.  My Grandpa Chuck had a player piano roll of this song and it was a family favorite to play and sing.  Over the years, the song has always reminded me of my family and home.  When it was time for me to pick a song to dance to with my dad at my wedding, I chose "The Rainbow Connection."

It's great to be reminded of that moment and that day, especially since today is Andrew and my one year anniversary!  I can't believe that it's been a year already.